put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
