After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
