I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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