I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize