You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
