Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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