he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
