She's JV to your varsity
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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