Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
