no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
