I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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