woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We left the knife in your bed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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