rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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