Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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