UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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