I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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