I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
