I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
