I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
