you have to choose: penises or morals?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize