So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
