Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
