I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
