Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
