I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
