Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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