who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
