If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
