she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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