I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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