i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
