roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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