Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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