i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
