why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
