I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize