sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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