your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
