No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
