I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
