My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize