I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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