Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
