I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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