the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
