I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You were trust falling into bushes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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