I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
