shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
