Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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