He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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