Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
