shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When are your genitals available?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
