Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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