I'm lost and stupid without you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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