I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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