Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
