In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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