im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
