so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize