Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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