I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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