just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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