he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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