Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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