it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My cat gives me a boner
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
