The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
