All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I checked into jail on foursquare
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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