Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
