Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
