please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
