Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omg I joined a choir last night...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
