Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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