I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I stole a fireplace last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
