Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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